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How to Have More Empathy from…

“I don’t understand why people do that.”

I had a friend say this. It’s usually said in a snooty way. I’m guilty of saying the same expression. It’s not meant to be mean. But it’s almost a conversation starter.

or maybe an expression?

If it’s said with curiosity, maybe it wouldn’t be so bad. but that’s rarely the case. It said with a cloud of judgment.

I don’t understand why Kim Kardasian..
I don’t understand why people have tattoos..
I don’t understand why people don’t eat and exercise like the should..
I don’t understand why people use facebook so much..
I don’t understand why you need a fancy and expensive car..
I don’t understand why you want to do that with your life..

I’ve caught myself about to say “I don’t understand…”

..but then I catch myself and think… “I think I can understand why someone would do that…”


Brene Brown is best known for her viral Ted Talk on vulnerability. She also has this RSA video that I saw pop up on Facebook that I shared because…

In less than 3 minutes it explains why most people have problems with empathy.

We’re too quick to want to stop feeling so bad. We’re too quick to help someone else stop feeling so bad. When in reality, what they want, is someone to hurt with them.

Not in the mean pity party way, but in the human connection way of shared experience.

I wanted to write about empathy after watching it with my kids for a bedtime story. When your sister gets sad (talking to my son), she needs someone to be sad with her for a moment.

That was my 5-second dad lesson on emotion.

When I sat to write this blog post out, I when to google and this is what I saw:


It turns out, a decent amount of people are looking for more empathy from their husband. Interesting.. I can see that.

Probably wives google searching.

I think that’s a topic that requires more research and though (not a quick post like this), but I don’t want to leave you empty-handed.

How do you have more empathy from your husband?

I’m not sure, but I can say that if you want more empathy from your husband, they have to feel safe about being empathic. To truly be empathic you have to vulnerable. No one wants to be vulnerable.

more on this in another blog post.